Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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