At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
