and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
