He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need a beard to bite.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
