Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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