This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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