I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
