she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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