so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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