hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
