So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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