guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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