so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
