but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
