I think I died a long time ago.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
