Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
