By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
