totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize