I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
