And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
