it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I faked an abortion last night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
