I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
