dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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