He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
