Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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