yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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