dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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