Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
