forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
