Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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