I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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