Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
