i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize