I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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