At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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