I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
