So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
