There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
