i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
