i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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