Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
