wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
