Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
