I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize