it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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