Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
