I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
