he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
