Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
