I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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