everyone is single if you try hard enough
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
