is your mom at the bar?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
