i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
