my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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