Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
