I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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