My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
