some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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