So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
