Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
