I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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