She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
