I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
