I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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