in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
