They should really pass out barf bags in church
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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