I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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